If I died tomorrow 

I promise this post isn’t nearly as depressing as the title makes it sound ….

But you know, inspirational advice always tells you to “live like it’s your last day”. The philosophy is, you could die any moment. No one knows what the future holds. So you should live every day like it was your last.

And that always has me thinking – if it were my last day, how would I spend it?

I gave it some serious thought and decided to compile a list. How would I spend the day if it were my last? And … should I spend my days doing these things, given that I could die any day?

– The number one thing I want to do is write messages to each and every single person who has ever touched my life in any way, however big or small. If I die, I want them to know that I was grateful to have them in my life and they really DID make a difference.

– I would publish most of my writings online: short stories, poems, novel manuscripts, unfinished novels … A lot of my writing is terrible buuuut … it’s my work and it’s me. It’s kind of like my legacy to the world, and I don’t quite understand why, but I know for sure that I want to share it with others. But I wouldn’t share it right now because I  am alive and I can always polish it.

– The same thing about writing goes for my music: I would share it with others … perhaps take a video of myself playing all my favorite of my songs and covers. But if I wouldn’t die tomorrow, I would rather give myself times to improve.:P

– I JUST WANT TO GET OUT ALL THE THOUGHTS AND STORIES IN MY HEAD AND THERE ARE SO MANY

– I want to visit all my friends and tease them and be teased and laugh with them and have a general awesome time with awesome people.

– I want to SING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS

– I would spend the rest of the time with my family and savour every moment with them until The End.

So, yeah, I would NOT worry about schoolwork as I do just about every day. I wouldn’t even do the work. :) But of course, we can’t think exactly like that. We have to make plans for the future – that’s the point of studying and such. But at the same time, there’s wisdom to remembering “memento mori” – you will die. Because it can be so easy to become caught up in the future. I know I am – I’m already worried about getting the right grades so I can get a scholarship! But if I died tomorrow, I know I would regret that I spent my time studying instead of doing what I REALLY enjoy and spending time with the people I love, as cliched as it sounds. Even if I lived … will it really matter so much in future? And if I don’t start living the way I want … when will I? I’m only ever going to get busier.

There needs to be a balance, I see that.

I think I would write and make music and shape messages to everyone, then keep them somewhere where they can easily be found and spread around if I actually DID die (I promise I’m not usually so morbid). And I do want to spend my life doing MORE of the things I WANT to do rather than the things I feel I SHOULD do. And of course, not taking anyone for granted and spreading the love!

Most of all, I see that a lot of times, I hold myself back out of fear – fear of rejection, fear of embarrassment, fear of failure, fear of judgment. If I was going to die, a lot of that fear would be gone because I have in essence nothing to lose and if things don’t turn out right, I don’t have to suffer the consequences my whole life.

But I can’t and I don’t want to live my life paralysed by fear.

So here goes my final resolution – to live a life without fear.

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