Okay, so I pretty much forgot I had a blog …
The thing is, I haven’t felt like I’ve lacked something. Sometimes when I take a long hiatus from blogging, I feel like something is missing but that isn’t the case now.
I guess I simply haven’t had anything I’ve wanted to say here. Blogging is an interesting medium, because, for me, even though my blog is public, it’s always been about expressing my thoughts for myself alone. I don’t really think about who will read my posts. I write for myself, because I have some thoughts – some words – inside of me and I need to spill them out onto somewhere permanent and concrete or I’ll explode.
But I haven’t had words spilling out of me yet. I’m curious if that’s because I’ve been socialising more and talking to more people both in real life and over text message. I used to be extremely isolated and that would explain the sheer volume of words just stuck inside me. I needed an outlet. Now I can just text a friend rather than writing for a vague “audience” (that’s you guys, if you’re reading this – and I’m sure you ARE awesome … I just don’t know you) that I’m not sure will read what I say or not.
I started this blog because I had a crush. It was a weird, irrational crush, on a boy whom I was, honestly, quite alarmed and embarrassed to be falling for. And I had all these feelings inside of me and no one I felt I could tell. So I had to write. I had to write to make sense of my feelings and get over them. Ok, maybe writing didn’t make them go away, but it was cathartic, nonetheless. And it was a relief, too, to be able to write with such honesty without the fear of being judged.
I haven’t really had such a moment in a while. Now I feel that there are people in my life I can tell such things too.
But still it’s nice to know that if I can’t, there’s always this outlet waiting for me.