yes, i am someone who has fallen into this pit they call love. now contrary to popular opinion, love is not the opposite of rationality. definitely not, or surely love would have stopped my constant thinking. but yet i find myself basking in love while at the back of my mind, there is still a voice telling me, “well, what is love really and how do you know you have found it, oh, you impostor?”
it has got me wondering, what do i mean when i say “i love you”? when we get into a beautiful relationship, do we love them for who they are? or do we love how they treat us? is there a difference?
perhaps you are how you treat others?
this is something that never fails to confuse me. i feel a feeling in my heart and from everything ive learned thus far in my life, the word that best corresponds to it is “love”. it feels like a ball of intense ache, squeezing your heart with its tenderness and beauty and joy.
but how long does it take to love? am i a liar for saying “i love you” too soon? is a month enough? is three months enough? is one year enough? some people will say, at least more than a year, because then you’ve passed the infatuation stage and you know that this is real. because you know that we are bodies so clouded by our hormones and sexual instincts to know the truth.
does this mean we avoid saying i love you for a year .. because we cannot bring ourselves to trust our feelings?
for our feelings do tell us that it couldn’t be any other way. that we DO love with heart and soul.
is it so wrong to trust our intuition? people say love is a choice. but what if you aren’t making an effort to choose because you just love like it is breathing? it seems like a very strange thing to say that love is only love when it is a choice made. parents (most parents at least) do not say they choose to love their children. they just do. loving rather than making the choice to love does not mean this love is not unconditional – on the contrary.
who decides what it means to love? who really decides?
the word is so ambiguous that it could mean something different to everybody and perhaps it does. do we have a right to say that our version of love is more accurate than another person’s? and what gives us that right, when language is ever changing, evolving, and fluid – ever dependent on the context: the speaker and the listener and the time and the place?
maybe, then, love isn’t a single unambiguous word that can be written into a dictionary of stone. and doesn’t that ring true to what we know about love? love is about people and love is about the amazing capacity of the human spirit that cares for another like itself and love is about feelings and smiling kisses and the fluttering of butterflies and love is about crying and making up and love is about comfort and comfortable silence and peace and love can be about all of these things.
love is about people and the word people is awfully general to describe seven billion.
they say you are afraid of the things you do not know, and maybe it is true then that i wonder if i do not really know love so i am afraid to say it.
but i do. i can’t tell myself i haven’t for in my heart i know this to be true. i have felt the magic of love and …
now that i have, how could i bear to let fear stop me from sharing it?