There are many stories and thoughts I have to share about my past relationship. But I’ve decided I shouldn’t and won’t tell them. At least not yet.
I cannot sacrifice peace of mind for a good story. I have let myself live in that time of my life for long enough. But in these past few months, I’ve completely forgotten about that part of my life and left it alone and I have found myself far happier than before – I’ve found myself radiantly happy, in fact, and completely filled with peace, contentment and excitement for my life and everything in it.
This isn’t to say I have been repressing these memories. Not at all. It’s simply the case that I haven’t been actively recalling them very much. I feel a sense of peace around this subject rather than denial that it happened, because I’ve come to a place where I recognize it is the past and the present and future hold better things. Do I still have some processing to do? Probably. But I find writing these posts reliving events that happened isn’t helpful right now. It becomes instead an exercise in wallowing in negativity. I become stuck in the past. And every time I reconstruct the memory, it becomes more and more a caricature of reality. That’s not healthy.
So I’m moving on from that chapter of my life. I’m choosing to let go of the feelings of anger and regret and focus instead on love and joy.