so … like any other university student, im working a part time job in retail to pay for my rent and keep me alive while i study because student loans are not enough and besides i would prefer not to be in debt for the rest of my life …

i dont enjoy it. not at all. im working in a supermarket. sometimes packing salads and pricing meat has a certain satisfying monotony to it. greeting customers on loop? not so much. i remember my excitement during my first job but i think that was just the novelty of actually being paid to do something and the fact that my (future) boyfriend at the time worked there too.

im parttime. i work two days a week. its very manageable. but i cant help but admire every full timer who gets through 40 hours a week of this.

its funny how central a job is to a persons life. we spend five days a week working so we can live the other two days. it floors me how much time of our lives is spent … not really living.

or maybe not. maybe im wrong. maybe forty hours a week is not such a big price to pay to live. living is a pretty big thing, after all.

perhaps a better way to look at it is that our job is our way of contributing to society. which it indeed is. maybe its more a case of five days of living for someone other than yourself.

i suppose i just think that idealistic as it sounds, id like to work a job that i truly enjoy and truly feel passion for. i dont want to spend most of my waking hours not really feeling alive. i know there are always unpleasant jobs that someone will have to do but the goal is to make them take as little time as possible, right? With the advent of technology, we can do that more and more. and again though this may seem idealistic, wouldnt it be wonderful to have a world where we can all find a career path that sparks at least a little passion in us and dont have to work a soul sucking job?

when you describe who you are, you typically mention your name, your age, and your job. but if your career is so central to who you are, i think it should have your spirit

Am I serious about this?

I know I will always be writing. There are a myriad of stories in my head. I am always thinking and I need to get those thoughts out. I don’t want to live a life without writing.

But do I want writing to become my life? That’s another, and a whole different, question.

The truth is, I really don’t know. Sometimes I think I would love to make a living through writing. I would do freelance for income on the side and write as many books as possible to make a living through being a novelist. But I’m not sure about it. I’ve also considered becoming a teacher and the idea has its attractions. A writer’s life can be so isolating. I like the idea of working with people, as well as having structure to my days. I like the idea of getting out of my house. 

And then … do I really want to rely on something creative for work? The thing about that is creativity relies on inspiration. I know a lot of people will disagree with me. You can’t rely on inspiration, they say. And I get that. If it’s your job, waiting on inspiration can be cumbersome. 

But a novel CAN be written on inspiration (with a lot of pushing yourself to take ADVANTAGE of that inspiration, I might add). I have done it. 

When you make a hobby work, it’s inevitable that sometimes it becomes just that … work. 

Part of the appeal of writing is that I enjoy it. Writing without inspiration takes the enjoyment way from it. Do I want writing to become just another thing I HAVE to do? 

At the same time, I know I do want to share my work with the world. More pressingly, I want to find my voice and get better and better at writing. 

A lot of people advise writing every day. And I see the benefits to doing so. But as I said, I think it largely depends on how serious you are about it. 

So I need to find the balance. My balance.